Do quirky, immature straight dudes say ‘I love you’ to people they would like to friends with?

A friend I made at college this year told me on two different occasions he said 'I love you' to me. It wasn't an emotive declaration or anything like that. The first time he said it was said in a jesting tone, as he sat with other people a few seats behind me in a lecture hall. I replied in a similar manner and just shook it off. The second time he said it was a little bit more piercing. He sat beside me in English and, while looking straight ahead he said, in a calmer, softer tone: 'I love you P'. I replied in the exact same manner with a hint of indifference in my voice so as not to cast suspicion if he was just joking. He simply didn't reply. He's also rested his head on my shoulder once or twice and found that very unusual. He can cook, sew and he also told me he gardens. Other then that he's stereotypical straight guy like myself. He reacted kind of strongly when I suggest he and his girlfriend have loads of sex as a joke. It was just me and him talking and he reacts by saying forcefully: 'We're not having sex!' Is he just a sensitive, quirky guy? Or could he have similar feelings as me? Am I just seeing things that aren't there?

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  1. Bazinga Says:

    a lot of my straight guy friends say they love me, but they damn sure don’t do it softly and calmly like that ><
    like, in my experience anyway there's really no stereotypically romantic tone to it. except for the few times one of us is just really upset and it's kind of more of a sibling-y, comfort thing, still not romantic, but i guess it could be mistaken for that. but not just out of nowhere like he did, to me that'd just seem a bit like he liked you or something. plus the we're not having sex thing, if i were you that'd just seem like he definitely wants you to know they're not having sex. Dx

    i could be totally wrong, and you could just be making more of it, but if i were you i'd see the same hints, and i'm usually not particularly an irrational person.

  2. Michael A Says:

    Most American straight dudes don’t say “I love you” to another guy in a soft tone unless their culture allows that.

    Right away, that would suggest to me that he finds you attractive, appealing and loveable.

    But the resting his head on your shoulder thing — wow, I really do think he has feelings for you.

    Plus, sewing and cooking skills mean he is not rigid in gender stereotypes, so he’s probably not homophobic. Even if he knew you to be gay and he is not, he’d still accept you I think.

    Since he has been so forward, why not push this a bit. Examples:

    – Hug him in greeting or farewell, and see how he responds. If he seems cool with a hug, do it again the next time, and hold the hug — pull him close and rest your head on his shoulder or chest, and just keep hugging him for several seconds. If he is cool with that, he definitely holds you in high affection.

    – Another thing to do, then, is when you are alone together talking, talk with your face really close to his, looking into his eyes. If he does not pull back, slowly move in and dare to kiss him on the cheek. If he’s open to that, make it a kiss on the lips.

    – Watch a movie with him snuggled on a couch. Be bold; lie behind him and wrap your arm around his waist like it’s the most natural thing in the world. If he’s cool with that, then rub his back, shoulders, neck, very gently. Go with the flow.

    Naturally, if he pulls back or makes a smart comment at some point, then you can always pull back, or make a joke of it. BUT…at very least this guy thinks the world of you as a friend, so I don’t think he’ll reject you. And my suspicion is that he is kinda in love with you. You could even ask him, “Do you, maybe, kinda like me…?” with a smile.

    I think the reason he wanted you to know he’s not having sex with the girlfriend is that he wants you to know they are not overly romantic.

    Now…this process could be more difficult if he is Asian, or a devout Pentecostal Christian or something like that. Those guys can be really confusing. But I think the kiss test is your key to understanding him.

    Good luck!

    EDIT: Oh, very important. Find out his attitude toward gay guys. Ask him, “If a close friend told you he was gay, how would you react to him?” Obviously if he is homophobic, then realize he’s not ready for your love, lol. But if he is cool with gay people, you could say, “Good, because I kinda like guys. I hope you’re still my friend?” The hope would be that he might come out to you also, if he realizes you are a member of the club.

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