Hey! Tell me what you think of my new novel please!?

Prologue Sometime in 1979... Nothing seemed to stick out about that warm august night; nothing at all. The hot days preceded even hotter nights. The humidity had seen Mallorie not turn on the hot water pump, a rare sight even in the summer time. But tonight was different, after her pleasantly cold shower Mallorie collapsed into bed, content and had fallen into a deep sleep. Little did she know that at that precise moment she was creating a murderer. She did not know she was pregnant yet, and she still would not be aware of this fact for two weeks until she would find out and she would run screaming. There would be a local scandal; for no one had become pregnant outside of marriage in the small town of Fir Creek in California. Her Mother would disown the only child she had and Mallorie would begin the perilous journey of pregnancy away from home. But this was all in the near future and this she did not know yet. It was under unusual circumstances that she had become pregnant... Mallorie was a barista at the one and only cafe in the town. That particular day that she had happened to become pregnant, was one of the busiest days that Mallorie could remember and Mallorie (although grateful for the extra cash) was tired and wary. It was 10 Minutes to closing time when a tall dark haired gentleman seemed to materialise at the counter. She defied her better judgement and decided not to tell this rather attractive man that it was only 10 minutes to closing time. The stranger ordered a coffee and took a seat in one of the many frayed booths that lined up around the sides of the small cafe. As the man raised a steaming mug to the coffee mug to his lips Mallorie swallowed thinking that that coffee mug should have been her. “What the heck” she thought “it’s been to long”. Pulling her top down tighter than necessary and hitching up her skirt she checked her reflection in the coffee canister. Auburn hair still glowing she sashayed over the small floor area came to a halt at his booth; he did not look up at her as she graciously slid down into the booth opposite him. She looked at the man and saw she now had his attention. She caught his eye. A piercing blue eye. The next thing she remembered was waking up, alone. She looked at the clock in the far corner and saw it was half an hour after closing time. She shook her head and looked at the table. 10 dollars was left under the coffee mug. The Man was gone... Chapter One- The Struggle Jericho looked out onto the scene of the murder; his disbelief that someone could die in such dreadful circumstances shook his 12 years of police experience to the core. In those 12 years he had seen it all, murders, house burglaries, drunken pedestrians behind the wheel. You could name it and you’d have bet that Jericho had seen it. The yellow tickertape fluttered sombrely in the slight wind that ensnared the area, whispering slightly in the breeze. “It’s always at night” he thought to himself as the white forensics moved in on the scene.

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  1. Helena Says:

    Ignore Maria. I thought it was pretty good, I like the way you structured it, it makes it more interesting of a story. I’m very interested to see where it goes, it’s got a lot of potential! Good job, keep writing.

  2. MishMash Says:

    It definitely needs work, but it has potential. It was one of the few posts that I read all the way through.

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