Should I Continue This Warrior Cat Story?

Don't reply if you don't know the series Warrior Cats by Erin Hunter. This is my story: ~JungleClan~ Leader: Lionstar – Golden tabby tom with amber eyes Deputy: Whiteleaf – White tabby she-cat with green eyes Medicine-Cat: Cloudfeather – White tabby she-cat with blue eyes – Apprentice: Shellpaw Warriors: Firetail – Orange tabby tom with green eyes Stormflower – Gray tabby she-cat with a silver tail and blue eyes Apprentice: Sunpaw Mistfeather – Bluish tabby she-cat with blue eyes Cinderstream – Gray tabby she-cat with amber eyes – Apprentice: Flowerpaw Sandwave – Pale golden tabby she-cat with green eyes Ravenstream – Black tabby tom with amber eyes – Apprentice: Dawnpaw Shinefrost – Silver tabby she-cat with blue eyes Lightmeadow – Pale yellow tabby she-cat with amber eyes Nightleaf – Black tabby she-cat with blue eyes – Apprentice: Waterpaw Iceshine – Very pale blue-white tabby she-cat with amber eyes (she looks like detergent powder) Spottedfin – Sandy tabby she-cat with ginger spots and blue eyes – Apprentice: Thornpaw Diamondleaf – Reddish-pink tabby she-cat with green eyes Heatherdove – Gray tabby she-cat with purplish eyes – Apprentice: Rubypaw Apprentices (cats in training to be warriors/medicine cats): Sunpaw – Pale yellow tabby tom with amber eyes Flowerpaw – Gray tabby she-cat with blue eyes Dawnpaw – Silvery-blue tabby she-cat with a creamy red tail and green eyes Waterpaw – Blue-gray tabby tom with amber eyes Rubypaw – Light reddish-pink tabby she-cat with blue eyes Thornpaw – Brown tabby tom with green eyes and one black ear Shellpaw – Silver tabby she-cat with a creamy reddish-pink tail and ice-blue eyes Queens (she-cats expecting or nursing kits): Goldendew – Golden tabby she-cat with blue eyes – Kits: Jadekit, Whitekit and Dovekit Iceflower – White tabby she-cat with ice-blue eyes – Kits: Flamekit, Spicekit and Blazekit Frostbubble – Pale blue-white tabby she-cat with green eyes – Kits: Ashkit, Rainkit and Meadowkit Glitterfeather – Silvery-white tabby she-cat with amber eyes – Kits: Rosekit, Swiftkit and Pearlkit Kits (kittens that have not yet left the nursery): Jadekit – Silver tabby she-cat with jade-green eyes Whitekit – White tabby tom with gray patches and blue eyes Dovekit – Gray tabby she-cat with amber eyes Flamekit – Orange tabby tom with amber eyes Spicekit – Brown tabby she-cat with green eyes Blazekit – Sandy ginger tabby tom with blue eyes Ashkit – Dark gray tabby she-cat with blue eyes Rainkit – Blue-gray tabby tom with amber eyes Meadowkit – Blue-gray tabby she-cat with blue eyes Rosekit – Creamy red-pink tabby she-cat with unusual purplish eyes Swiftkit – Gray tabby tom with darker gray stripes and blue eyes Pearlkit – Creamy pearl-white tabby she-cat with silver stripes and piercing ice-blue eyes Elders (former warriors and queens, now retired): Stoneclaw – Gray tabby tom with blue eyes Yellowfoot – Pale yellow tabby she-cat with amber eyes Chapter 1 It was a cold winter, and Goldendew padded out of the warriors' den and settled down in the nursery. She found her kits playing happily with Iceflower's kits. In the warriors' den, only a few cats were still sleeping. “Firetail, it’s time to wake up. You too, Stormflower,” Mistfeather meowed gently to the sleeping warriors. When Stormflower was up, Cinderstream noticed her limping. "You probably need to go see Cloudfeather," Cinderstream advised gently. Stormflower nodded gratefully and hobbled over to the medicine cat's den. Whiteleaf was in Lionstar's den, telling him that more patrols needed to be sent out. Mudstripe, the former deputy, had mysteriously disappeared in the four-way battle last night. The whole Clan was busy attending to the injured cats and rebuilding the camps that they didn’t have time to figure out where Mudstripe went. Whiteleaf was named deputy by Lionstar. Everybody thought she was doing a pretty good job. But there were more important things to worry about. Almost every warrior and apprentice had been injured. Lionstar had a broken hind leg, a sprained neck, a twisted front paw, a scratch along his flank and a wrenched shoulder. Cloudfeather had whispered to Lionstar, “It’s a great thing you’re still alive.” “Mistfeather, Firetail, Sandwave, Ravenstream, are you up for a patrol?” Whiteleaf asked the four cats. "Sorry, Whiteleaf, I promised Dawnpaw that I would teach her how to catch birds," Ravenstream meowed. "That's alright. Mistfeather, Firetail, Sandwave?" Whiteleaf asked. "Sure," the three cats agreed. "Mistfeather, you lead. Take any apprentice you choose. Remember, don't catch rabbits," Whiteleaf instructed. The rabbits had been cruelly poisoned by Twolegs. No cat – not even medicine cats – had found out how and why Twolegs were so thoughtless and poisoned rabbits. After a while of thinking, Mistfeather decided to take Sunpaw along. When the patrol reached good hunting-grounds, Mistfeather dir

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  1. Pecos Bill Says:

    It’s fine. It doesn’t flow as well as it could, something you will fix as you rewrite it later, but it does fine. It’s difficult to know if the story is any good because there simply isn’t enough here to know that. If this is the beginning, you should consider a prologue with some serious action happening to draw the reader’s in. Fans of the books will read on but perhaps someone new to it may not. Try to spice it up a little with some early action. Lines like this:

    The rabbits had been cruelly poisoned
    by Twolegs. No cat – not even medicine cats – had found out how and why Twolegs were so
    thoughtless and poisoned rabbits.

    Would be better if they were shown, not told. In other words don’t tell us, the reader, something like this. Show it or reveal it in the conversation the cats are already having. Like this:

    “Remember, don’t don’t catch rabbits,” Whiteleaf instructed.
    “Why not?” asked Young Unnamed Cat.
    “Because the Twolegs poisoned them,” replied Ravenstream.
    “Why would they do that?”
    “Who knows why?” Whiteleaf interjected. “We don’t even know how.”
    Confused the young cat blink before asking, “What of the Medicine Cats, they can find out.”

    etc.

    Finish your story, then return for the first of several rewrites you’ll need to make it as good as possible.

  2. Dalton Says:

    I didn’t even read it once it said warrior cat. How unoriginal and boring. That would only reach out to the ages of 4-5. If you are tryin to reach teens change the idea.

  3. ekelly66 Says:

    The story is very chopped up and needs to be told from one cats point of view per chapter at minimum, also your character desriptions are way off, there is no such thing as a white tabby, black tabby, and a lot of the colorings are wrong, so I would look into those, bot other then those few things it is ok!

  4. Rosethorn + Ashfur Says:

    pecos bill is right it needs some work but also it is a very good start.

  5. Warriors Biggest Fan - Tawnyclaw Says:

    It could flow better, like the first answerer said. Remember, they call winter Leafbare!

  6. ?Emma Wayland? Says:

    please, no

    Warrior Cats SUCKS

    Mortal Instruments rocks

    Dalton’s soo right.

    I gave him a thumbs up

    But these things totally reach 3-5 yrs olds. It’s so babyish. It’s not even reaching tweens!

    I don’t get why the ending of the kits’ names is ‘kit’. If they leave the nursery their not ‘kits’ anymore.

    My suggestion: QUIT IMMEDIATELY and GO GET A LIFE

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