Teen writer: Do I have what it takes?

Here's a little part from my novel, The Witch's Knight "...In the cafeteria lunch line, a new pair of eyes looked forward, adoring a light baby blue shade; a gaze I couldn't recognize, which was awfully unusual in a place like Willowsmen. In a small town where everyone knew each other, there simply never was anything new to look at. So today surely was an interesting one. It was clear to anyone here that he was the new kid. Aside from the unfamiliar face or resemblance he bared to no one, he also dressed differently. A thick, black sweater with fur lining revealed he wasn't used to our warm, sixty degree weather, and the dark, loosely fitted jeans looked rather stylish for Willowsmen. There seemed to be many things that set him apart from us, but the sky blue shirt labeled with the brand name, Hollister –resting in white letters traveling sideways from his torso, down– had to be the dead giveaway. Anyone here knew the closest brand name clothing store was Old Navy, and even that was still miles outside of town. "He looks…" I began, trying to sum up another way to describe him other than "new comer." As I thought, something silver glistened from around his neck. "Hot!" Jackie squealed, finishing my lingering statement. "No, he's something else..," I stated, now trying to see exactly what the necklace was, but he suddenly turned his head in my direction. I was finally able to recognize that piercing baby blue stare from earlier, which seemed to glow behind his dark, raven locks. He continued to stare, until a smirk slowly made its way onto his face. "Like out of state," I ended for Jackie, forcing myself to drop the gaze and stare at the wooden lunch table instead. She seemed satisfied enough with that answer..." ~ There's a little bit from chapter one. I know I need to work a little more on using the other senses, but other than that I think its okay. Note: This is in no condition to be published or anything at the moment I realize, I just wanted to know what you think. What can I tidy up on? Any advice on helping my characters become real? And, of course, do you think I have what it takes to become a writer one day? Don't worry there are no vampires whatsoever. After Twilight, I've found vampires have gotten a little overbearing :/ I actually have this story on worthyofpublishing. My screen name is under iWasBorn2TellUiLuvU if you want to check out the rest of chapter one and two. I'll also put up the summary. And don't worry, the main character does not fall for the guy right away. In fact, its quite the opposite ^-^

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4 Comments: Trackback URL | Comments RSS

  1. Scott Pilgrim Says:

    as long as there are no vampires and shit you should be all set. like really if there are, take them out.

  2. Omega Says:

    little unsure about the some of the wording and order of sentences but i think it’s good =) keep working at it and yeah i think you can be a great author.

  3. ?Aisaka - The Cobra? Says:

    You know, what I read was unexpected. You held my interest and I continued to read to find out more about this boy. The conversation actually portrayed actual teen characters, which I think is neat. Something I’m hoping you don’t do is rush this story to where the character falls in love with the new kid. Not that far down the road she can’t, just make sure it’s not the at first sight cliche. By the way, you are already a writer; you’re writing which makes you a writer. Now do you have what it takes to be a good writer? Yes, I believe you do. Good luck, keep working on it.

  4. 0_o Watchu Lookin At? Says:

    Nice! :) Im a teen writer too. I’m just curious as to what this beginning will lead to…?

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