is this chapter one of my novel allright?

Let brotherly love continue. Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: For thereby some have entertained angels unawares. -King James Bible Hebrews 13:1-2 For when Death in all its ferocity has arrived on the scene, No bargaining can ward him off, no gifts, and no attempt at Sowing dissension, no force of arms, and no restraint. -anonymous 1 When I was very young, I met someone who is quite unique and frightening, someone who should have killed me by then but left me alive and safe. I was eight, a young stubborn child, he must have thought I am not capable of understanding and remembering, that a child like me would grow up and suppose the encounter as one of my childhood nightmares… He was very wrong indeed It was a very sunny day in the middle of summer. Not a single breeze was able to relieve me of the heat and I was sweating as my mother succeeded in forcing me in the backseat of the car. “I don’t want to go” I whined at her My mother, a tall lanky creature glared at me with her dark scrutinizing eyes “Catherine we had already talked about this” she replied sternly I hate it when my mother does that, glaring at me like I just did some sort of felony and forcing me to admit the wrongdoing I didn’t commit, well that is how it felt. Yet that day I was in an unusual bad mood and even her talent can’t easily bring me down. “But you lied to me! You said that I’m just taking a vacation! I heard you talking to papa last night! I heard you!” If I’d be just a few years older I might have stopped myself from babbling thoughtlessly at my mother. At the age of eight I should have understood the difficult situation my parents are trying to keep away from me. I should have been sensitive enough to see that my mother doesn’t like the turn of circumstances either. “Papa called and you talked and I heard you mama! You’re giving me away!” the words were out of my mouth even before I had the chance to think. Mama stopped short in getting inside the driver’s seat, stunned “You eavesdropped on us?” She was perplexed, I shrugged, too angry to reply. “…we’ll talk about this later’’ She muttered under her breath. Mama was about to start the car when a high piercing voice startled us I turned around and my suspicions were clarified as I saw a small plump woman running towards us. “WAIT FOR ME!” she exclaimed I giggled despite myself, the woman was Mrs. Assez. She was our French neighbor and a constant nuisance of the neighborhood as mama would say, but I like her, she always wears long thick robes and colorful beads and other adornments and strongly believes in superstitions That particular sunny day Mrs. Assez was wearing her usual outfit with matching feather boa slung over her shoulders despite the weather, it’s no wonder passersby stare after her. Mama on the other hand was not pleased. She started the engine in a hurry yet she was late as by this time Mrs. Assez arrived “Dieu merci!” she breathed “hello Maria, I believe you are going somewhere?” she asked even if the answer was already in front of her. Mama rolled her eyes “you can come with us Bianca” Mrs. Assez was clearly delighted and quickly took the seat beside me. “I am going to the grocery you know” she babbled on “Imprevu! This warm weather is getting on my nerves I hope you understand darling, I just can’t take the heat you know and an old woman like me I once heard that heat from the sun cooks the brains and helps develops cancer cells” I looked up quickly at this statement but I couldn’t see if she was serious or not. She chattered on as the car drove past the neighborhood, mama constantly saying the appropriate ahhs and oh yes’s during the one-sided conversation. Her talk was interesting for a while it managed to keep my thoughts from the transfer for a few moments. Unfortunately she noticed the huge bags lying by my feet “Oh? Maria is your daughter going somewhere?” she asked I can feel the blood running to my face. The past argument was slowly sinking back inside me. I can see Mama’s knuckles tighten convulsively on the wheel. She too was not satisfied with the change of subject but she replied politely “She’ll be with her father; we’re meeting him at the airport” Something with Mama’s voice didn’t convince our neighbor. “Yes. Yes” Mrs. Assez said quietly “I remember the summer vacations, but don’t you think it was quite late already dear? I mean, Cathy here has only a month left you know and summer holiday’s over.” “This time, it’s kind of …temporary Bianca” mama replied – Though she’s using her casual voice—gravely. Those days my mother was known to have an adulterous husband and the neighbors knew too well that it really changed her. She had been a hardworking loving wife until of course the divorce came and since then she had been quite sensitive about my father and well, a fiery temper. “Pardon me, Maria I nev

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7 Comments: Trackback URL | Comments RSS

  1. djlt00 Says:

    wow very good
    jst some minor grammatical errors such as have instead of had, is instead of was and so on.
    other than that extremely interesting! keep it upp!!

  2. gabri.ellz Says:

    you’ve got a good idea happening, but try to develp your style of writing. It sounds like you’ve thrown in a couple of mature words with casual vocabulary. keep it consistent

    good luck

  3. twister2814 Says:

    I like it. Now really want too read the rest.
    few spelling mistakes but everything always does.
    I want to read the rest when you finished

  4. Kaddy Says:

    For some reason this part didn’t flow with me:

    ‘He was very wrong indeed
    It was a very sunny day in the middle of summer.’

    The use of the word ‘very’ twice so closely together didn’t flow with me. But, maybe that’s just me. :)

    Pretty good so far.

  5. Leyend123 Says:

    awesome start. think about your plot before continuing though. make original and not cliche. ivestarted to write to stories: syndrome and when the stars aling. never finished eitjer and im really bumned about that so dont be like me!! lol good luck!

  6. Matter Says:

    fantastic work you get down to the point fairly well yes a few grammatical errors but really good stuff my 21 year old cousin jesse is amazing she’s sort of like one of my heroes besides chris paolini of course and now for some of my greatest praise
    ‘i think you have nearly matched her’ just wish i could see the rest
    you’ve got a talent in there

  7. ?Bella? Says:


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