Just wrote this! whats ur opinion?

I'm trying to sound trightening and scared, yet that makes it even more impossible - My fingernails dug into my sweaty clenched palms in fear, the thick scarlet blood slowly began to wrap around my white bare wrists and trickle down the length of my arm; the contrast clearly defined. The cold moisture against the bare skin created a bitter sensation which soon led to shivering in this chilling winter cold breeze. My back was wet, as I presume from the gravel rash and the blood weeping down my spine. The unusual numbness felt almost comparable to freezing cold water in the middle of winter as it socked my shirt, moulding the definitions in my back. I could feel the pounding against the top of my hairline, the flow of thick blood running down my forehead and painting against my eyebrows. Reluctantly I lifted my grazed blood-soaked hand to wipe it away from my eyes. It stuck immensely whilst the chilling breeze swept past my fragile frame. It almost felt like a minimum electric shock piercing through me, yet right now it was the least of my worries. Terror reflected through my eyes as they darted across the frightening landscape, apprehensive of what awaits us. I continued to scan the dark and fearful scene of a lonely car park; Dean and I, both deadly petrified, were lying extremely still under a black stationed car; gravel rash cut over our brutally harmed bodies. We didn’t dare speak a word or make the slightest sound – because if we did, we would be dead... I’d never given that much thought to how I would die – though within the last hours I had much reasons to believe – but even if I hadn’t I would never in my wildest nightmares come to a conclusion of this being it. I always pictured myself dying old, having chalky white skin, wrinkles that reached my past and crazy white horse-like hair as I sat in a white old rocking chair in a cluttered room, reading a novel I would have recited over my lifespan; unaware of the fact. I wanted so many things in life. I wanted to learn how to paint, I wanted to go to parties and get completely smashed; I wanted to graduate from highschool and travel around the world. But mostly, I want to have my first time with a man I love, get married, have children, grow old, die. To experience everything everyone else would. I wanted my dad to walk me down the isle, my brother to punch up the first guy that broke my heart. I wanted to hold my baby for the first time – being unsure if I was holding it right, I wanted so many things in life – but for it to be cut so short...it’s just so devastating. It almost seemed like this wasn’t happening. A nightmare I would never wake up from... I stared without breathing across the dead silent carpark, into the dark night sky surroundings. The smell of petrol filled my senses as it was being poured onto the black gravel bitumen road not far from us. A whimpered sound escaped my lips as I realises for the use of it. “They’re going to kill us Dean! They’re going to kill them!” I whispered. My voice sounded strangled. The huge lump in my throat made it almost impossible to breath and talk at the same time. “Shhh-shhh.”My brother hushed as he quickly examined the surrounding area. He placed a protective arm around my shoulders as we lay next to eachother, oil and grease stains painted in splodges across our faces. “Hayley! Hayley honey, they’re not going to find us – ok? You just need to be [i]quiet[/i].” The urgency was in his tone, yet with a hint of softness as he tried to settle me down; yet I couldn’t. I couldn’t wait patiently for death to arrive. I wouldn’t wait for it; because if I did, I would only come to those horrifying conclusions of my death. “Dean.” I choked out while crying into his shoulder. “I’m scared.” “Hey.” Pulling me closer to his side he spoke in a smooth soft tone. “I know you’re scarred now, but Hayley, if we stay here long enough, they won’t find us. Ok?” My brother gave me one of his soothing smiles, yet his eyes could not hide the hidden fear behind them. “But Dean –” I never finished my sentence..... - - I kinda rushed the last part. Noticeable? please let me know hw sucky this is

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  1. SceneKittie Says:

    the last part didnt compare to the begining but i loved all the descriptive words :D ur really good. i loved the feeling of terror as i read it (: answer mine? http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AqpFvdMXWgMapQYDBIYOMN3ty6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20100708035123AAmoYvs

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